Wife problems

[snk1994]

This is a desperate plea for help. My wife has Fibro Myalgia. Its a disorder that basicly makes her immune system attack her healthy body and puts her in alot of pain. It has some pretty drastic symtoms like Irritability, Muscle pain, Joint pain, Head aches, and cronic fatigue. It comes and goes and there is no real one thing that will set it off. I support her and try to help in any way possible. I just got back from Baghdad Iraq and she is in a really bad "flare up". Since she is irritable anything really upsets her. The problem is is that she will be on the couch really sleepy and just nod off...this is my cue to leave her alone and just let her rest. Or she will be in pain and want to just sit in the house and relax so I go out and start messing with the Vette (washing, waxing, drooling, ect). She instantly gets upset because Im spending more time with the car then I do with her. She has interest in the Vette but doesnt share my passion for it. She belives that cars are for driving and she doesnt understand the fact that if its raining ( i live in washington state) I dont drive it. I tried to explain to her that the car represents more then just transportation. That its a good investment and a great wholsome hoby. It isnt like me playing softball or joining a bowling team where im just "out with the guys" drinking beer and telling old high school football stories. I try to involve her as much as possible wanting her to go to car shows and just going out cruising in gerneral. I do sometimes just hang out with te guys and bench race but that is very few and far between. Is there any sugestions from the guys and gals out there that might be able to help me out? I have posted a few times and you all seem like a good well rounded group of people......well except that one guy that wanted to sell a kidney to fix up his car...

Thanks
~Steve

 

[Chiller]

snk1994,
Hello from Iraq. Some of the biggest things in a relationship is commmunication,patience and understanding. I have been in simular situations with my wife. Your wife needs to see your point of view in that you picked a hobby that both of you can enjoy. It is something that the two of you can create memories with. Memories that can not be erased! Be romantic and tell her how the vette reminds you of her. That you respect how she is feeling and that is why you do not disturb her when she is sleeping. You go out to the vette during this time and it helps you think of her and is also your "pressure release" . You have been gone and she has had to go through "the Medical" alone . Before she falls asleep you are there. When she wakes up you are not there which might bring back flashbacks when you where gone. It could also be that she feels guilty for her condition and how it effects your doing things together in the vette. I know that it is not an easy road that you are travelling but if you both communicate together, you should be able to navigate it to the best of your abilities. I hope this helps.

 

[LannyL81]

Hey!! I was only kidding about selling the kidney!!!!

LannyL81

 

[bossvette]

I sometimes think its in the nature of women to complain, my wife always complains "If you didn't buy that car you would have more money" but when it comes time to go somewhere we always end up taking the C5.
When she gets real bad I remind her of a Co-worker who had a wife in one part of the state and a girlfriend in another, not counting the various 1 night stands, I always wonder how he was able to support both :L.
Knowing when to let it go in one ear and out the other is something that takes time to learn, but compromise is key. Do things She wants to do also.

 

[78SilvAnniv]

The best thing you can do is talk with your wife. Set aside specific times for togetherness... do you both enjoy reading quietly?... watching tv or movies?... cooking?... talking and sharing incidents of your day?... puzzles, either word or pieces?...

You, and she, must understand that there will be times when one may wish to sit quietly while the other feels a need to be active. It should not be construed as "I-don't-want-to-spend-time-with-you" it is just an energy issue. I don't share Kenny's enthusiasm for the motorcycle (I have health concerns myself that prevent me from truly enjoying the 'cycle hobby), but I have helped him dry it or I sit nearby in a chair and keep him company while he works on it or on the 78. Perhaps you could put a comfy chair in the garage so she can join you. ...or you could ask her if you could bring the vette inside to be with her.

She could be feeling very insecure because of her infirmities and what she can and cannot do because of them... I know I went through it with my own health concerns... but my husband assured me that he married ME. Not the things I can and cannot do.

Good luck, communication is key.
Heidi

 

[vett boy]

The biggest problem with women is that they don't think like guys.Having said that my wife of 40 years (ill 20 yr's ) is still the love of my life.The vett is a close second.Heidi is correct about communication.VERY difficult at times.Impossible at others. good luck

 

[wishuwerehere82]

My next door neighbor has been really bad with Fibro-myalgia for two years now. He could hardly lift his arms, and was on so many pain pills that he would find himself on the the floor under the kitchen table with the dog at night.

One day, his daughter's boyfreind who is a Chiropractor asked him to let him help. So he went for some Chiropractic treatment and physical therapy 3 days of the week.
Two weeks later my neighbor was off the pain pills and 3 weeks later spent all afternoon splitting wood with me. I'm not saying it will help in all situations, but it sure worked well for him! He's a new man now compared to what he was like just 6 weeks ago.

See if your wife would like to try it and it may help her to the point that she is having a lot less problems to deal with besides the Vette.

 

[snk1994]

She has tried chiropractic, massage theropy, physical theropy, pain medications, muscle relaxers, ect..ect.. Now she is on this new plan about it being set off by chemicals she comes in contact with. She is trying really hard to stay away from certin chemicals and we have paid for a blood screen that will test to see what she is sensitive to. The hard thing is that she has NO hobbies..she never seems to be interested in anything. I have brought this up to her and she just says that nothing excites her. I have tried to mention many things that I think she would like to do with no sucess. I do belive she is trying its just a hard thing to go look for a hobby. a hobby is something that finds you and you feel passionate about and not something you have to try and like. She does like the car.. She likes going out in it and has already given in alot of the time about certin issues. I try to be accomidating to her also... Her blood tests should be comming back soon and we should find out what these chemical sensitivities are and hopefully that will help things.. I know communication is the key...thats a major thin in a relationship. We are about to celebrate our 11th wedding anniversary Thank you all for your advice. its great to hear from others.